Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-
It’s been a while since we’ve spoken. My life has been a whirlwind of highs and lows encased within a complex search for answers. There comes a time in our lives, when we come to desire more: more of God, more out of life, more time, etc. For me, it’s a desire to truly be happy with myself- like to believe that I am all that the Father says I am. I’ve heard the affirmations, and I’ve been validated but I still have doubts that creep in moments of weakness. I want to believe that I am beautiful on my ugliest of days. I want to believe that I am gifted/talented in moments when all I can see is my mistakes. Literally, some days I wake up to my flaws and that’s all I can see. These past few weeks have been about regaining freedom and keeping the freedom that have been brought with such a precious price.
I desire more: more confidence/God-fidence, more certainty, more assurance, and just more presence. I desire to no longer sense the loneliness that have accompanied my season of singleness. I get it, when you live by yourself- there is a level of loneliness and depression that is in-explainable. It’s like you’re constantly reminded of where you are versus where you desire to be. Even in these moments of transparency and vulnerability, I believe the Father is beckoning us to desire him. He wants us to want him more than we want our temporary void fillers. He desires that we desire for our lives to be filled with Him and His goodness.
For those who have been like me, in this uncomfortable ebb and flow of discovery- be of good cheer! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is so much more to come. One day all of the pieces will fall into place, the way you feel in this moment- you will never feel that way again. I’ve praying for each of you and if you need someone to talk it out with- I’m here for you!
Until next time,