Confessions of a Law Student…

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

I usually refrain from speaking about this part of my life, well… in part because it is not full of rainbows and sunshine.  Sometimes, well… the majority of the time, it’s filled with the complete opposite.  I think I’ve cried more in the last three years than I have my entire life.  Like, many of you may read this and be like,” Wow sis, you’re super dramatic!”  But if some of you lived a day in my colleagues’ lives, you would lose it.  I mean you would probably think you’re borderline insane.  Studies show that law students/lawyers experience 30% more depression than the average citizen, 45% more anxiety,  and 40% more issues with substance abuse.  But, what we do isn’t all bad:  we argue for clients to gain a just result!  However, sometimes we make arguments and we lose, our clients don’t get what’s just and is robbed by a flawed system.  If I could gather my colleagues together, I believe we would settle on the following confessions.  So please fancy us and enjoy twenty confessions from a law student/lawyer:

  1. I never have time, I make time.  So please don’t waste the time I give you.
  2. If I knew what the case was trying to say, I wouldn’t be struggling to answer this question right now Professor.
  3. If you ask me what I am doing, odds are I’m working.  Like legitly, I work a lot.
  4. Everyone cannot be a lawyer.  If that was true then my three years of suffering, hundreds of debt in student loans, ten weeks of bar prep, $10, 000 of bar prep funds and my sanity means nothing to society.  Never say that it’s easy to be a lawyer and that everyone can be a lawyer.  Those words are disrespectful…
  5. My life is planned, my days are scheduled.  You being mad because I cannot attend your last minute function, doesn’t diminish my to-do list.
  6. Sometimes, I want to escape my life.  Like how dope would it be to go to another country, change my identity and like never come back.
  7. My phone will ring at the most inopportune times.  At dinner, while I’m in the shower when I’m watching a movie.  My phone will ring and it will be about something that really isn’t as important as it seems.
  8. Law & Order, HTGAWM, and The Bar is not real life.  Please stop trying to convince me that you know the law from your knowledge of legal dramas.
  9. Only 33% of the population has the knowledge I have,  this means Law School must be hella hard.
  10. I work for a client.  That person is my priority and sometimes they run all the way out!
  11. No, I cannot give you legal advice for free.
  12. If I have to do my job, my legal secretary’s job and act as my own paralegal, I should receive the pay for all three of those salaries.
  13. I want to work out but I’m so tired.
  14. I’m taught to conceal my weaknesses, to only show my strengths but this hinders me from being vulnerable in my relationships.  Why do you think a majority of us are still single?
  15. I keep people’s secrets for a living, yet it’s rare that someone keeps mine.
  16. A glass of wine every once in a while was great.  But, now Thursday Happy Hours is the only way I’m getting by.
  17. I see sad things all the time.  I think I’ve lost my sense of connection to the world.  A murder is no longer a senseless shameful act but an aggravated crime dependent on mens rea.  If there is no intent to kill or to cause gross bodily harm or injury, or even just a reckless disregard for behavior resulting in the loss of life or harm, that’s not murder- that’s a lesser offense.
  18.  I wouldn’t wish the type of stress I feel on anyone, not even my worst enemy.
  19. It’s easy to say everything is going to be okay, especially when you don’t have one test determining your semester grade.
  20. Every day I wake up and wonder if I am making the biggest mistake of my life. Every. single. day.

Bonus:  You don’t understand and frankly, I hope you never do.

 

Xoxo,

Simone 

FIC:http://i2.wp.com/real-law.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/studying.jpg?resize=290%2C174

Your Life Means Something

Dear Reader (Yes, you!),

I know that sometimes it seems that what you do means nothing.  I know that sometimes it seems that you are invisible, like no one can see.  Like no one can see that you are hurting, that life is not what it “cracks up” to be.  I know that it seems like no one can see that you’re empty, that you’re running on fumes- that you lack motivation and drive.  I know that it seems like no one can see that you’re broken, that your heart is shattered into a million pieces.  Like no one can see that you’re lonely, rejected and you feel unloved.  I  know that sometimes it seems like no one can hear the negative words that people say to you, or even the words that you mutter to yourself.  Like no one can hear your feet slipping, like you’re bound to fall to your doom.  I know that it seems like no one can relate to what you’re going through.  Like no one knows what it’s like to be in your shoes.

I know, I know….

I am writing to you today to let you know that someone sees, hears and knows. God sees, hears and knows.  God sees you.  He sees you when you wake up, wishing that you hadn’t.  He sees you as you go to work and feel like a failure.  He sees how people treat you and He sees as your heart breaks to the sadness you experience.  He sees you as you look in the mirror and hate what you see…you hate what He made: you.  He looks at you in all of His beauty and He smiles at the work of His hands.  He looks down at you and He smiles because He loves you more than anything else- He loves you.  He knows that sometimes it’s hard to be alive, so He comes with His hands outstretched full of peace and grace for the day.  He extends His love to you.  When you think you’re going to fall, He’s there waiting to catch you.  When you think you’re invisible and that no one cares, He’s there looking and watching out for you.  When you think that life has dealt you an awful hand in life, He watches and He rigs the dice in your favor.  He wants the best for you, He desires to love you.  He desires you!

Your life means something to Him..it’s more valuable than rubies and diamonds.  More precious than silver and gold.  Your life means everything to Him, you mean the world to Him- He loves you!  He sees every tear that you cry, every sleepless night,and He is touched by the condition of your heart.  He is touched by your circumstances and your situations.  He is touched by you and He seeks to make things better- He wants to love you.  You are necessary, valuable and an asset to society.  You are His prize, most precious possession- but will you let Him love you?  Will you allow Him to wrap you in His arms and make everything alright?  Will you let Him in?  He loves you where you are and want to bring you to where you need to be. He wants to love you deeper than you’ve ever been loved before, but you gotta let Him in.  You have to allow Him to love you deeply.

You mean the world to the Creator of it.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Miracle Child

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Lately my articles have been about the plague of loneliness, something I have dealt with since I was 7 years old.  Can you imagine dealing with the same demon for 14 years? I’ve been tormented with the same devil all through childhood, teenage years and college.  The same demon in different forms, used by different people, but the same strategy- isolation to breed depression to create suicide.  The same demon, the same strategy and just different situations.  This weekend was probably the most depressing weekend, I have had since what I dubbed the “dark ages”  ( the period of time that I was so depressed that I contemplated death every single day. ). Can you imagine spending all of  your time thinking of ways to die?  Can you?  It’s a miracle that I am still alive- in fact my being on the earth is a miracle. I am a walking miracle, more special than the rarest stone on the earth but I just didn’t know it, I didn’t know how valuable I truly was.  Some may  be asking how are you a miracle?  Well.. good thing I have time to  explain.

You see, before I was born my mom did not think that she could have children.  When she was 18 years old, she had an abortion because the guy in her life was not capable of being a father.  So my mom, made a decision that she thought was best for her and the future child.  My mom did not know and has never known her biological father, so she did not want the same life for her child.  After making that decision, it was as if something died within her.  She believed that she could not have anymore children and before she married my father, she told him that she could not give him a family.  Every year, she would count the years that the child would have been if he was still alive…the child she aborted was a boy.  My parents married and I came into their lives but I came prematurely.  I was born too small to go home with my family and because of my size was predicted to have so many mental problems.  The doctors told my mother that I wouldn’t learn as well as others, that I would not be able to function socially and that my body would forever be weak prone to disease and sickness.  I was 4 lbs and 6 oz.…tiny, feeble and weak.  I was born vulnerable, but I was a miracle to my parents- the child they never thought they could have.

When you don’t understand your purpose, you’re quick to destroy it.  You’re quick to allow things to tell you what you aren’t and who you will never become.  It was the same with me, I was a miracle child that didn’t know that every breath I took was the grace of God extended towards me.  Every step I took as a child was a miracle, every time I made an A in a class I was experiencing a miracle. Every speech ever made, every dance ever performed, every spectacular venture I engaged in was a miracle.   The fact that I graduated from college early was a miracle.

 I was a walking miracle, yet for years I wanted to end my own life.  I was a walking miracle, yet I hated the way I looked.  I was a walking miracle yet I believed that I was not loved.  I allowed loneliness and rejection to kill me on the inside, to destroy my identity.

I place so much emphasis on this section of my life because there are so many people out there that was just like me, walking miracles- walking packages of greatness but have succumbed to depression/loneliness/rejection.  There are people who the had all of the odds stacked against them but have conquered and yet they believe that no one loves them and that no one cares.   There are people like me who have worked in ministry and have poured into others and yet they themselves are empty and battling real demons on a daily basis….

I want to talk to those who were like me, worth so much and yet felt like so little. YOU ARE LOVED.  You are deeply, selflessly and honestly loved by someone who is bigger than the universe. You are loved by the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.  You are loved.  You are loved by people all across the world who don’t even speak your language, yet they are praying for you and for your well-being.  You are a walking miracle, destined for greatness. I love you and I understand what you are going through because I lived it – I lived in your shoes and I’m journeying with you now.  “For lo I am with you always, even until the end of the world” Matthew 28:20. He’s always with you- you are loved by Him.  

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://www.kapital971.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/premature-baby.jpg

If A Man Don’t Work, He Don’t Eat…

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Today was an interesting day, full of new revelations and discoveries.  So as I am now in the dating world, I have realized that the guys who are interested in me don’t seem to want to work for my heart.  It’s like they assume its going to be given to them, just because I’m a girl, attractive, and single.  Not so.  It’s like they pursue, call every now and then , “hang” out and then get lazy and quit pursuing.  I was taught that if you want something in life, you better work for it.  If its worth a lot to you, then you go after it.  If it holds value then you do whatever you need to do to make sure you have it in your hands…that’s why I’m so driven and ambitious because I pursue after what I want.  I’ve come to recognize my worth so I don’t pursue after guys, I let them pursue after me.  I don’t play hard to get, I am hard to get.  I don’t tolerate crap and I don’t lower my standard for a good time- I rise above the occasion and do the work needed to achieve my goals.  I go through the process.

 I went through the process to finish college in three years.  I went through the process to get a job as a paralegal.  I went through the process to get into law school.  I went through the process to be an ordained licensed minster at 21.  I went through the process and I continually go through the process to be who I want to be;  so why those who enter into my life don’t want to  go through the process?  Why should  I give someone something without requiring anything of them?  Shouldn’t the guy in my life have to work for my heart?

I think people look at me (esp. guys) and they are like she is so laid back , so easy to win, not a challenge but darling, I’m the biggest challenge of them all.  I am not desperate or “thirsty” and my Bachelors Degree is not something I just printed off of the internet.  I have a good head on my shoulders, I’m strikingly beautiful and my anointing speaks for itself so I don’t have to settle for someone who just wants to walk in and win me haphazardly, someone who doesn’t want to go through the process.  If a man don’t work, he doesn’t eat…you have to work for what you want and that includes a person like me.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image: http://inspirably.com/uploads/user/6121-how-badly-you-want-something-dictates-how-hard-youll-work.png

Would You Die For Me?

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Today might be an interesting post…

I was sitting on my bed thinking about what to say to you all this morning and all my thoughts summed up to a simple question: Would you die for me?  I know that you don’t know me as intimately as your family or close friends, but would you sacrifice your life to make sure I had a great one? Would you? 

Some of you all looking at this post would off the bat say NO!” Some may say this girl is crazy for even suggesting an idea like this.  Some would even say, “Simone, I love your blog and all but I wouldn’t even die for my mom so my FINAL answer is, NO!” 

I understand the response, trust me I get it! I don’t know if I would sacrifice my life for a perfect stranger.  I don’t know if I would give up everything for someone that I never met.  I don’t really know how I would respond to the question I presented to you…I don’t even know.

The reason I was pondering this question was because I began to think about Jesus.  You know the guy who gave up His heavenly kingdom, to be born by a virgin, with one simple purpose to save the world from sin.  He is described as not ugly but not attractively handsome- just right in the middle, the guy who’s been in the hearts of individuals since Christianity was introduced.  Yes, that guy!  Well I was thinking about how He must have felt leaving all that He knew to die for people He never met.  

Can you imagine leaving your place of royalty and prestige to be born into a poor family? Or to leave your place of comfort to come to earth to die an uncomfortable death?  I couldn’t do it- I would have opted out of God’s grand rescue plan.  

Jesus died for me and I wasn’t even on the scene yet.  He died without me giving Him a statement of salvation or me promising Him my life.  He died before we met, bearing my sin and my shame on the cross with Him.  That is some kind of love!  He loved me so much, He died for me with no strings attached.  He sacrificed His life so I could have the hope of a better one.  He died to give me a great life…

Sometimes, I forget how deeply Christ loves me- it is then I remember the cross.  The cross puts everything in perspective.  Christ loves me deeply, so deep that He died for me.  He gave up everything so I could have everything.  That is some kind of love…. When you feel unloved or unwanted remember that Jesus died for you.  He gave up everything so that you could have everything. 

Until next time, 

Mo 🙂 

You’re Worth The Risk…

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Sometimes we think that in order to go after something, there should be no risk involved. We tend to live in a world where everyone is trying to play it safe, where as long as we do not have to be uncomfortable– we will pursue after our ideal dream, spouse, job, etc. We don’t like to pursue after things or people that we believe have some sort of risk associated with them.  I noticed this in my life, I had a  tendency to play it safe- just in case things didn’t work out.  I relied heavily on back up plans and  exit strategies just in case my situation was uncomfortable, uneasy.  Up until this point, I wanted everything in my life to be super easy, I didn’t want to work at anything.  I barely studied and made great grades, I didn’t have to work hard to be sociable or to make friends, and guys were always interested in me requiring little to no effort at all.  If something was easy, safe and had no issues to actually talk out- I was “all in” because I hated confrontation. In fact I was terrified of having to confront individuals with how I was feeling and how I saw the world. I did not like the idea of  taking a risk by  being honest, truthful and up front with anyone. I did not want to take that risk..

I guess what is so mind-boggling about this philosophy of risk and pursuit is that God took a risk with us when He died.  He died knowing that some would still not accept Him.  He died knowing that those who would claim His name would have struggles with sin throughout their life.  He died knowing that His death could in fact be in vain, but He believed that someone needed Him to die- He believed that you were worth the risk in His plan of salvation.

 Knowing that God took just a risk with us, why don’t we take risk with others?  Why don’t we talk to the coworker that everyone hates?  Why don’t we befriend the alcoholic or the drug addict?  Why don’t we give love to the girl/guy who does not know how to love because they had never experienced true love before?  Why don’t we take the risk in pursuing after the person that is going to change our lives for the better?  Regardless of the possibility of rejection, or heartache, or things going sour- isn’t love worth the risk?

I believe that each person I come in contact with is worth the risk of getting to know.  They are worth me initiating a conversation, they are worth me calling to check up on, they are worth me visiting at the hospital or tutoring on a Friday night.  Each person I meet are worth taking the risk to get to know them, they are worth it.  I’m going to sum up this piece by bringing the subjects of love and relationships into the mix.  Sometimes we don’t talk (romantically) to certain people because they don’t fit our comfortable list of what our ideal match should be.  We miss out on some amazing learning experiences because of the risk of trying something new.  You’re worth the risk of someone pursuing you in the state of life that you are in right now, doesn’t that individual deserve the same.  You are worth the risk of falling in love with…you are worth it!

Remember: with great risk comes great reward! 

Until next time,

Mo 🙂