I think it's funny 

how long it took me to come to this place.

It took me a long time 

to erase the possibility of living life for you. 

To come to decision in my heart 

that said I'm no longer waiting....

anticipating....

self-hating....

or allowing what's going on to exasperate me. 

Or rob me of my peace

my joy 

or my happiness.

To tell you the truth, I'm a hot mess

to think that I've been truly living

breathing in this God-given air with gratitude 

while my attitude turned bitter because you weren't near

or here

with me.  

But tonight, I decided to be free 

from the plagues of living life with you on my mind 

irritated that time is not on our side. 
 
I'm no longer waiting on you to be alive. 

I decided that whether you came or not

I was going to give life my best shot 

and enjoy what was around me 

I was going to simply be 

content in the skin I was given 

Livin' in my complete purpose, divine destiny 

no longer allowing your absence to hinder me 

I was going to love like never before 

I was going to let my boldness roar 

for itself 

becoming self-confident without needing your help. 

And whether we met here or on the other side- 

I was no longer waiting on you to be alive. 

So when we meet, I might be in this country or not 

I might own a small boat or a yacht.

I might have long hair or continue to rock my short do 

I might be single or I might have a boo.

I could even have a tattoo 

because at the end of the day, I am no longer living for you.  

I am living for me.

I am living to be free.

Living to live again- 

I am living as God's best friend.

So instead of making you the center of my world,

I no longer strive to be your girl-
 
I strive to be myself and smile more

I'm tired of living life like a bore

In my pursuit after God, I will continue to strive

Because I am no longer waiting on you, to be alive. 


©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: https://colourintodarkness.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/1-the-feeling-of-being-alive.jpg