Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-
I’ve been bursting with experiences that I’ve been dying to share with each of you. I think creativity and inspiration has this amazing way of being fueled by life and for the past week or so I’ve increased my pursuit for the presence of God. I can sit here and pretend that I was not in a low place, that I had everything together and that my faith in the promises of God concerning me was rock solid- but ladies and gents, that would be a lie! In fact, my belief in what God said about me wavered and my trust in the one who held my future faltered. You see, my biggest fear was that what I was believing God for concerning myself was never going to come true and once again I would be disappointed and left without security. Friends, I had no trouble believing in the God of miracles for others or even each of you- but I had a hard time believing in myself. For years, I believed the lie that I was inadequate, that I wasn’t good enough that I was a mistake, that my uniqueness/difference was a curse rather than a blessing. It was out of this pain, that propelled me to believe so strongly in others – to push them towards their differences and to champion behind their tailored greatness. Pain pushed me to love more yet I felt emptiness on the inside…
It’s usually the ones who love the most that have experienced such harsh heartbreak. It’s usually the most accepting individuals that experienced the most rejection. It’s usually the depressed that seek to bring others joy and I lacking belief in myself- championed and believed in others. Even those good works could not bring me fulfillment and after while the seeds of awesomeness that God planted on the inside became neglected and poorly maintained. It is the grace of God that pushes Him to challenges us to produce a return on the investment he has given us. It’s like the Father loves us so much that he refuses to let that seed he planted within us to die from our own hands. Friends, the tables turned and the Father began to point the light on me and where I was in this faith walk with Him. He began to challenge me! He flashed the light on my hypocrisy- how could I sing of his goodness and not believe he was good? How could I testify of his power and not believe his power is applicable in my life? How could I speak of his impartiality, yet believe that he was being partial in my circumstance? God came for my hypocrisy- he challenged my faux faith. In the end to not believe in myself, is to not believe at all! The same God that love my family and friends, love me. The same God that cares about those I attend school with, cares about me. The same God listening to the prayers of my mentors, hears me when I pray. He is just as concerned, bothered, and alert concerning me as everyone else in the universe. He loves us all!
It was time that I began to believe- for without faith, it is impossible to please God because we must first believe that He exists that he would reward those that seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). We have to believe that he will make good on his promise. Over a stretch of time, God has revived my belief in him and most importantly in myself.
May you find your belief again!
Until next time,
©Simone Holloway, 2017